Maybe I'm overreacting, but things just have a way of piling up. Seriously. One guy's telling me he really likes me and shit, and then he doesn't even begin to ATTEMPT to talk to me. So you know what? Fuck him, he's not worth my time anymore. I tried. I fuckin did. But he isn't. So that's done.
Second of all, I hate liars. Not little tiny lie people, those are fine.. But I hate it when some people say they don't like a movie or something like that so they can get out of seeing it with you, and then you find out that they saw it with someone else. I don't know. Someone more fun? Prettier? All around better. That's all I see.
I really hate my fucking phone. Not only does it think that NO WHERE has service, but it made me run around my house clicking 'send, retry, send, retry, send, retry..' for 15 fucking minutes telling a stupid boy off that lies all the god damn time. I finally found a spot (my bed, ironically enough) where the full-page text decided to send. Finally. I wonder if he even got around to reading it. Look, I can picture in my head EXACTLY what happened. *he takes his phone out of his pocket, glances at my name and... BOOM. right back in his pocket*. Probably waiting for someone else to call, or text. Someone of some kind of importance. And it gets to me, it really does, cause.. I guess I have a thing for guys like him. A reputation. They always say they changed, for me. And I believe them. Everytime I believe them. And surprise, surprise. I fell for it again. Just fucking text me! Tell me your phone broke! Lie! Lie! Lie! I don't even care...I just don't wanna think that you don't either...
People keep.. bringing the past up.. I mean, I used to ignore it and all.. but it hurts, really really bad like. Cause you know, I still love him and all. If he rang my fucking doorbell right now, everything's out the window and it'd all be about making things better. Fuck, if anyone, I've EVER cared about, to ANY degree came and rang my doorbell at this moment, I would completely forget my rage. Honest, I would. My focus would be on, telling a stupid story, or dancing ridiculously. ANYTHING. Just stop crying.. I'd do anything to make me stop crying.
I just wanna be back in, oh.. I don't know.. kindergarten. Everything was leveled--relaxed. Things were solved and forgiven with a cookie, or a hug.. Things just aren't like that anymore. And I want them to. I want everything back. I don't like the fact that I ramble on because it keeps me from texting (or rather, trying to text) a boy. Really! I just wanna be happy. I wanna be okay.
Who am I kidding? I just wanna be alone.
I just wanna, be in the mountains in New Hampshire, looking up at the stars...
Naming a reason to smile with every star, and then, haha, running out of stars.
